KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS

Sometimes their comedic timing is genius…

“Hey Miss! Meth will make you lose weight….. and your friends and family”

And they say the funniest shit…

“Your shoes are brighter than my future”

“Oh Miss I know your type, I bet when you were in high school you shopped at Dangerfield, I bet you had a pair of Doc, I bet" 

Me, internally: How are they getting all of this right!

And they have sick burns…(and don’t know anything about fashion)

“Miss are we doing cooking today?”

“What? No. Why would be be doing cooking today….you do that in your other class.”

“Then why are you wearing an apron?”

It was an Alpha 60 dress that cost me hundreds of dollars.

And their perspective on relationships are a bit off…

“So Miss, did your boyfriend propose over the holidays?”

Little do they know we just starting using the word “boyfriend” over the holidays.

And sometimes I don't think I should be allowed to teach as I have said these things out loud:

I love how one of my year 10’s ask me at recess what we’re doing in class today, after lunch, like I know the answer!

Me on the phone to my friend after school: “Hang on hang on, let me just get away from the chapel…. anywayyyy so at about two am…”

Me at 1am on a Sunday: “Its not like a school is going to call me for relief work tomorrow anyway.”

Me at 2am: *Fuck how many drinks have I had?*                                                                              

Me at 7am: “Yes I will be there… yep, see you soon.”                                                                        

Me at 9.30am after period 1: “I just have to go get something from my car.”

*runs to car, throws up in the gutter next to where my car is parked and lays in the backseat groaning for 20 minutes*

Some questions are are so ridiculous they just make me laugh:

“Miss….What kind of porn do you watch?”

And questions about my age are always amusing to me:

“How old are you?”

“Guess!”

“34…..cause you have wrinkles around your eyes Miss.”

*I was 26*

Kid 1: “Miss, how old are you?”

Me: “Guess!”

Kid 1: “Ummmm 22”

Kid 2: “No she’s 19, duh!”

And they have no idea how old anyone actually is…

“Is that your uncle?” - When I paid an artist to come to the school for a workshop (he was also my boyfriend)

And every. single. time. I have a group of year 7’s… “Miss! You look like Taylor Swift!”

Some things make you want to go and have a cry in the toilets:

“Can women be artists?”

“Yes….yes they can.”

Selina Kiss